whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
