He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
