I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
