textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
