Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
