The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
