Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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