So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
