Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I just put wine in my tea
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
