I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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