paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Randomize
