So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
