My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
