ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
