I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
