So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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