Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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