She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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