I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
