i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
