Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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