**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
