I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
