the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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