The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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