You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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