so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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