Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
