Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
