Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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