He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
