They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He felt like a one man threesome
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
