I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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