dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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