That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
