In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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