My cat gives me a boner
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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