Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
