Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
