kristin has been a bad kristin
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
