if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
