I just saw a hot homeless man
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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