Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
