I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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