She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
