This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
