Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
