Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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