Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
