Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
