sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
